Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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