somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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