i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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