i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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