I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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