your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
