I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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