Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
