Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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