Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
