New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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