Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
