whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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