did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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