i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
