I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
