i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
