I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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