some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize