Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
True strength comes from lack of pants
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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