i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize