did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
