Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
