All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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