Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Vodka?
Forever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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