Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
