you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
