oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
