Me too!
I cockslap morals
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
