you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
