Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
