You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
