I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
