FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
