she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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