Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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