Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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