Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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