I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
