This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
