Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
