he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
