you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
