my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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