What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
