Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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