Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do herpes really smell.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
