I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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