the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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