I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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