I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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