There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
