no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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