oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's blow job season.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
