I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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