Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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