I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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