I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize