I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
