Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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