Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
